Our retreat cabin sat on a hill overlooking this horse ranch and the ocean beyond.

I went on a ladies retreat. It was a much needed retreat from the daily grind, and I really enjoyed the break from Susanna and house. I missed her just the right amount.

But I had high expectations for the spiritual side of the retreat. I was longing for a mountaintop experience.

Here’s what I learned: the mountaintop looks a lot different these days. When I was a teenager, every new truth I learned about God that required a change in me was a joyful experience. I want to be clear: there were many times when I realized that my beliefs did not line up with scripture, and I often joyfully repented, submitted, and changed. I walked the ways of the world, so after I put my trust in Jesus Christ alone for salvation, for abundant life, my perspectives on marriage, relationships, the sanctity of life, purity, wisdom and the meaning of life all did a 180. And I loved to worship God, so I made my way to the mountaintop often, seeking those transforming moments.

But things have changed. The repentance that is required of me usually follows guilt and shame, because my sins hurt other people. God is so gracious to me, though. And I am thankful for these moments because I realized this weekend that I have the power and the desire (because of the Holy Spirit in me) to kill the sin in my life. I rarely feel the emotional highs that I did as a new believer (and a teenager), but I also didn’t have the will or ability to harness the power to conquer the little sins that the Bible warns will cause destruction.

The mountaintop is a joy today because I can choose to stay there as long as I want. To conquer perpetual sins, I must depend on God; to depend on Him, I must spend time with Him; to spend time with Him is to be on the mountaintop. Ancient Rabbis believed that losing one’s temper meant losing the shekinah, and they had a saying, “nothing is worth risking the shekinah!”* As long as I have God’s Glory resting upon me, I believe I am on the mountaintop.

*Learned that from a video session during Beth Moore’s study of James.

A Bit of Blogkeeping: If you read my blog updates via Google Reader, you’ll need to find a replacement reader soon, as Google is phasing out this application. I have tried Feedly and Bloglovin’ and can recommend both. Bloglovin’ is a bit simpler, but my starred posts didn’t come through in the sync.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Also, if you’ve been watching The Bible on the History Channel, I encourage you to download the real thing. You might be surprised to learn some of the details left out of the film version! Here are links to the Old and New Testament in the ESV, my favorite word-for-word translation.

The one who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.
-1 Thessalonians 5:24

I am bursting at the seams to announce that we are officially halfway to our goal! Next we’ll be invited to Essential Missions Components, the next required training at our mission agency, so long as we complete our assignments in time.

This has felt like a long time coming (two years since we started building our partnership team but who’s counting?).

Now we are praying to be fully supported by the end of 2013 so that we can be on our way to the field in 2014.

If you are part of our financial partnership team, thank you! Your contribution is the literal moving sidewalk that will get our feet on the ground in Spain.

If you pray for us regularly, thank you! Your prayers have enabled us to meet people, share our ministry in unexpected places, kept us encouraged on prefield, and set up a hedge around us to protect us from sin’s desires.

If you have written us or called us to encourage us in our walk, thank you for blessing us with words. Prefield can be lonely because partnership meetings trump any other kind of outing or get together, so your words of encouragement reminded us to keep our priorities in line.

If you have recommended books, classes or resources for church planting, thank you! You’re helping us fill a toolbox that will make us effective long-term missionaries.

If you read this blog, thank you! Sometimes it seems like I send words out into the universe and they just turn to dust.

Finally, if you’re interested in being part of our team in some way – through finances, prayer or any unique way (we have lots of ideas!), please contact us.

After writing a letter to my wife on our blog, I received a lot of feedback on how good people thought it was. I also heard from a few people that I should do it more often. Ideas don’t come as quickly and as often to me as they do to my wife but I will be making my best efforts to be a larger part of our blogging experience.

Tonight was much like any other night. I came home from work, played with Susanna and caught up with Rose about the day. We had dinner together and the time came to put Susanna down to sleep for the night. Usually we put her in her PJs and then help her brush her teeth and tonight was the same.

She played a bit longer and then we went back to her room. I held her on my lap and Rose read a few stories to her. We prayed together and then turned out the light. I handed Susanna to Rose so she could put her in the crib but Susanna reached back for me, desiring to be put to sleep by her daddy. I obliged. Rose kissed Susanna good night and left the room.

The next part has been a little tough for me the last couple of days. My little girl rests her head on my shoulder and rubs her eyes. She is extremely tired and I know that she will go to sleep quickly once she is in her crib. I begin to lift her up to place her in the crib and immediately she clutches at me and begins to fuss a little bit. I hold her a little longer and then make the final move. I lift her over the crib rail and she begins to cry. I know I need to leave because if I stay she will refuse to sleep for a while. I find it hard to walk out though because she wants to be with me. To be held by me. To spend more time with me.

I walk to the door and begin to exit. I look back and my baby girl is crying and reaching for me. It is hard to do but I leave and close the door. She cries for about 30 seconds and then it is quiet. She has laid herself down in the crib and is off to sleep for the night.

I leave because I know that she needs to learn to fall to sleep on her own. I leave because I know that it will be the best thing for her. Knowing those things doesn’t make it easier.

As Rose and I go through pre-field we are learning very much about God and his plans for us. I wonder if there are times when God leaves us to a learning experience. Not leaves us in the sense of goes away. I don’t leave Susanna. Rose and I are very aware of her presence in the room just down the hall. We are ready to answer her call if she needs anything at all. God leaves us to learn something. I’m sure that I cry and fuss and occasionally reach out for him. Does he shed a tear because he loves us and doesn’t like to see us in tears of our own? Does he desire to run in and fix all of our problems right away and hold us close even though letting us struggle just a bit will help us more in the long run? I’m sure the answer is yes.

God is perfect. My thoughts for what he may or may not feel are probably flawed but I think I have touched on his character. Being a parent allows us to see the relationship God has to us more clearly and I believe the things I experience as a father help me understand my Heavenly Father even more. I do hope that I will show the correct gratitude for my learning struggles and situations. Just as I love Susanna, God loves me and is doing what is best for me. Praise you LORD for your love and teaching. May I always love you and thank you as I should.

Among my clearest memories is my great grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary, where all the families presented a song, poem or skit honoring our patriarch and his lovely wife. Over a long weekend, Hertzog family stayed in the converted barn or camped on my great grandparents Port Angeles property, and as I got to know my cousins, I learned a bit about the spiritual legacy inherited by my family.

I certainly didn’t recognize it at the time, but the Hertzog men live radical lives. Among them are foster parents, children who have served in missions, and hearts that have suffered loss and sickness and trial. Three years ago, Rick suffered a long, scary recovery from spinal meningitis. He was in a coma, but God saw fit to save his life. What a joy it was to hear of his recovery! True adventurers like many in our family, they have also been blessed to travel the world and host exchange students from all around.

After I became a Christian, I saw the influence of my extended family on my Christian walk. I do not know if they prayed for me when I was a child. I know they pray now. My situation, being raised by my grandparents, certainly warranted it, but we saw each other at weddings and funerals, for the most part. But they have always been so supportive. All three came to a baby shower to celebrate Susanna’s life just days before she came along. In spite that it took me years to remember who was who and which children and wives belonged to whom, there is a quality about the Hertzogs that has always made me look forward to our times together, brief and infrequent as they are.

And now one of them is gone. This weekend, Rick had a heart attack and now he is with Jesus. My heart is broken. It doesn’t seem fair that God would save Rick’s life only to allow it to end three years later.

But, (though It is easy for me to say, because I haven’t lost my husband or brother or father): it is fair. God is sovereign, he is in control, and he warns us in his Word that our days are numbered. Rick lived his life in a way that acknowledged that. It had an impact on me. The worst thing in our minds, losing a beloved, is the best thing for that person when he is a believer, as Rick was. He is with Jesus. Hallelujah! Rick, you will be missed. We look forward to meeting you again in our true home.

It is the desire of my heart that Susanna would believe Jesus. Whenever I read her little toddler Bible, I say, “listen, Susanna, this isn’t a story. This is God’s true Word!”

But I fear the thing I most desire for her is the thing I model most imperfectly for her.

This week, she has been getting up extra early. Oh how I have hated it! But a couple days ago I realized it might be that she wants to spend time with her daddy. Just as Chris finishes his morning routine, she cries out. I get her up, change her clothes, and invite her back to bed with me. That lasts a minute, but she wants to hug Daddy’s legs while he shaves, makes his lunch, pours his orange juice. He used to lean against the back of the couch to read his Bible, but now the two of them sit on the couch together. She watches cars out the window and Daddy reads, and then we all pray together before saying goodbye.

When she was sleeping later, did I get up early to spend time with my Daddy? Not usually.

The number one heart change I need is to trust God that the day has begun the way He intended it. Whether it begins with an early wake up, a grumpy, whiny, tear-stained face and immediate toy-throwing, or smiles, giggles and a calm breakfast, the day belongs to the Lord.

Dear Rose,

I want to express why I am so grateful that I am in missions with you. There is so much that needs to happen in order to get to the mission field, let alone all of the things that are happening once you get there. All of that gets added to the arena of daily living and raising kids.

God created woman from the rib of the man to show that she was to be his equal helper. I see how that comes into play in our marriage. Having a wife who is dedicated to growing in her relationship with God helps me to grow in my own as well. This all comes into play when we disciple people on the mission field. Because I have a wife who is focused on Christ, we can confidently work together as a God-designed team on the field.

I also know that you pray for me regularly and I can’t ask for any better support than that. Having a wife who prays for you is a great blessing that not everybody has and when it is added to the fact that we are going through prefield it means that much more.

I know I can come to you with successes and failures and desires and hopes and sadness and frustration and you will listen and reply with what is needed. You will celebrate with me at every new believer and struggle with me at every hurdle that comes in front of us. I know because we both said vows on our wedding day that I know both of us meant.

Thank you for being a faithful, loving, patient, steadfast, loving and, most importantly, Godly, wife. I love you very much and I don’t know that I could do this on my own.

Love,
Your husband

source

The summer after my junior year, I went on a mission trip to Mexico and my life changed. Although I had been a Christian for over a year, true walking with Jesus had come only very recently. For years I went to youth events and I think I sang the songs but I never heard them. At our pre-border stop at Christian Heritage College, we went to a service where we sang, “Come, Now is the Time to Worship.” I think it was at that moment that I worshiped God in song for the first time, and knew it would not be the last.

On Sunday we sang it too, and I heard the words in a new light. While the invitation to come had been the powerful mover so long ago, this time I focused on the following phrase.

But still the greatest treasure remains for those
who gladly choose You now

I have no idea what I thought that meant before yesterday. I probably didn’t think about it at all, or I thought of it in superficial terms like we are blessed because we believe… ohthankgodihavebelieved!

No.

Jesus is the greatest treasure. Jesus is what we who choose him now get now. Jesus.

Not riches, not blessings, not comfort or relief in trial. Jesus is the greatest treasure.

I don’t know about you, but this motivates me to worship Him! I do gladly choose Him now. HE CHOSE ME and I get the greatest treasure: Jesus.

It also motivates me to share. Because, as the song says, one day every tongue will confess, every knee will bow. But not every confessing tongue and every bowing knee will have chosen Jesus. Why would I keep the greatest treasure from anyone, when this is his future?

Jesus is the greatest treasure. Tell someone about Him today.

I recommend this book for any woman whose husband is considering full-time ministry, but it is also for any woman who wants to take ministry to the next level by being more others-oriented, more bold in sharing the Gospel and making a difference in her community.

• “Your experience in church planting will inevitably be determined by the condition of your heart. Thankfully, if you surrender to our good and loving Go, He will do the primary work of guarding and cultivating your heart.” (pg 25)
• “So often, we incorrectly believer that we are responsible for ministry outcomes: changed hearts, transformed lives, and the movement of God.” (36)
• “Through the discouragement of the first year, God continually revealed the pride behind my believe that I could produce spiritual fruit apart from Him.” (37)
• “Without dependence, we start going through the motions and playing the role.” (41)
• “If I trust that God has called my husband to church plant, and value my husband’s ministry to the church and our family, I am more likely to offer him my help and support. But when I fail to acknowledge the responsibility God has given my husband or put undue pressure on him, thinking only of how it affects me, I am more likely to hinder his work.” (53)
• The idea that friendships will not come easily and I must work to find heart friends and remember that good friends are gifts of grace from God (paraphrased from 73-74)
• “If you submit to be broken and as you cultivate a humble heart, church planting will become a joy and a blessing. In order to experience the joy and blessing, we must eradicate pride. Every day.” (95)
• “A servant says, ‘I’m here to serve my Master and to learn to grow in the process.’ Perhaps our growth is the very reason we are where we are, doing what we’re doing.” (95)
• I want to create snapshots of when God moved in my life to bring me to this place, so that I can remember them when the excitement, passion and certainty of the call is fuzzy.
• “The only thing that will enable us to be effective and joyful church planting wives on a long-term basis is being with Him, hearing and receiving from Him, and following His leadership.” (147)
• “God likes anticipation and it seems He has a purpose in making His children wait… There is a mysterious value from heaven’s point of view to being in the darkness of life and still choosing to believe in a God who seems to have forgotten us. Darkness is part of the school for the soul, to delve into what really matters.” (181)
• Your marriage will be challenged and your husband will need you and your full support. (200)
• “Most people don’t get such a front-row seat to the action,but you and I do, and that’s something to be thankful for.” (201)

Although I often fight it or whine through it, I see now that God is fostering a heart of joyful dependence in me as we wait for God to build our partnership team. I know that one of the lessons of this season is that what is accomplished is not my own doing. We might make phone calls, write prayer letters, give church presentations, but God is building the team. As I wait for Him to do it, I pray. I pray for the people I know are meant to be on our team, and I pray for the ones I don’t yet know. Then, when we meet them, God has already answered my prayers. One of our partners had supported a missionary to Italy previously, and had been praying about where to put that support once it became available again. Others have been job searching, and I pray for them often. I pray they might experience the same joyful dependence the Lord has given me.

Our field is going to be much, much more discouraging, challenging, and even pressure-filled than prefield. We go to our home church often, we speak the language, we live in the same home we made before God called us. When I battle the enemy on the field, he’ll use those things against me. But I will remember the Lord’s faithfulness to me while we waited, and I will depend on the Lord (hopefully with joy) for deliverance, answers to our prayers, and courage.

I’m linking up with Christine over at Grace Covers Me today as she releases her book, The Church Planting Wife: Help and Hope for Her Heart, and collects heart stories from church planting and ministry wives. Join us? Also, stay tuned for a giveaway!