Transparent

By Saturday, April 9, 2011 1 0

I am going to be a mama. A mama to a little girl we’ve already named Susanna Jane. Susanna means lily in Hebrew. Jane is simple, classic, literary, and the first part of the name Janine, after my paternal grandmother. Neither name is popular or trendy. We might call her Susie, but I am not yet ready to give a nickname to this little one I haven’t met. I don’t have a clue what she looks like. Some of my friends have ultrasound photos of perfect profiles showing the outline of a button nose or upturned mouth, but little Susanna Jane moves all the time and all our ultrasound photos are blurry. And just after revealing herself and her very healthy heart and organs (praise God!), she rolled over and put her little back to us. So she is a mystery.

While I have always been excited to become a parent, it has taken some time to be interested in pregnancy and motherhood. In fact, I still wouldn’t say it interests me. A few times, I have heard myself say, “I am so much more than this pregnancy.” My life is exciting. I have a job I love, a present and future adventure that sometimes consumes me, and a full life. And baby gear… don’t even get me started on how dull I find preparations for baby!

But this month, as I enter the third trimester, I’ve been forced to think about all the changes coming our way, including the emotional ones. You see, my own mama took a path that resulted in my being raised by my grandparents. This is an important and beautiful part of my history and I am forever grateful for the life that I lived because of their love and sacrifice. There’s some healing that needs to occur there too, however. Susanna and I will have a mother-daughter relationship unlike one I have ever witnessed before, unlike the one given to me. Because of His grace, I am up for the challenge. I wanted to commemorate what I believe is God redeeming something in my life with a symbol – something unique, created, and beautiful. So, I’ve selected a custom bedding set at an Etsy shop. The quilt, which I hope Susanna will be able to cherish forever, symbolizes the beautiful, new relationship God has created by giving me a daughter to love.

Here are the fabrics (click to see a descriptions of the ones I’ve chosen for the quilt):

Even choosing this bedding set has been redemptive! I started to enjoy making preparations for Susanna’s nursery, knowing that we’ll not only have a beautiful baby to enjoy, we’ll have a beautiful room in which to bond.

I know this entry doesn’t have anything to do with missions or Spain. It is a bit emotional, but I am just being transparent. I hope you see that I desire to give God the glory for His wise ways. His redemption, personified in the life, suffering, death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, is manifested in us; my life, and now little Susanna Jane’s, is just one example.

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  • rosie! i love this post! it made me all emotional! i am so excited about your journey into mamahood, and i am so excited about the redemptive work of Jesus in your life through baby susanna jane. i can not wait to meet that darling little lady! you are such a blessing to me, i love you sweet friend! {and i love your little lady so much already!}
    xo,
    a